Hey

Hey Guys,hows everyone keeping?

Im Carl, living in dublin, basically had depression /Social phobia since i was 15, which really dominated my life (not in a good way obviously). Thankfully though over the past few years ive come out of it and am now very happy with my life.

Think its a cool idea to set up this site.

All i'll say is stay positive,there are ways out of this

Carl

Hey Carl! Great intro and welcome to the site mate!!

How did you hear about us?

Thank you

I replied to a few messages regarding social phobia on boards.ie, and from that i got a private message telling me about this site.

Nice one! Good to see that word is getting around. Thanks again for joining, I hope you enjoy the site!

hi ya carl, welcome to the site. id love to hear how u managed to get through SA !!

Id love to go into it fully but it'd take ages.I'll give a brief summary but

Basically i got introduced to positive thinking by a friend, so i started by constantly surrounded myself with things/people who had a positive impact on my life. Then from years of reading books etc and studying how my mind worked in certain situations i came to alot of conclusions.

Am currently writing a book about it, have the draft done so hoping to have it finished soon enough. The book deals with how the mind works, and where negative thoughts stem from, and how to control them. I'll let you know when its done, would love if it could help others in similar situations out.

Also,in writing over the past few weeks ive realised so much about how i think etc, have to say its been the best therapy ever. I still have the initial reactions to situations, but can easily dismiss them, its amazing how free that can make one feel.

hiya great post carl, its really inspiring

Hey carl, its great to see someone whos doing well now and overcome the beast, lol

Hey,

thanks for the replies.

Well,i fully believe if i can get over it then anyone can. I used to be terrible with it, at one stage i wouldnt leave the house for months at a time, i tried all sorts of therapy and medication,which seemed to work for a little bit,but id always fall back to old habits.

Think the key to overcoming it is understanding that we are in control of the social phobia, and not that the social phobia is in control of us.Basically its a problem with how we think. With me it was all about being aware of what thoughts i was having (previous to this they were automatic and repetitive so i couldnt but go with them) and realising how they were affecting my life.

Honestly believe anyone can overcome it. Think step one is to let go of the idea that we suffer from social phobia,i know you will still feel the same at first, but the more we tell ourselves that we suffer from it, then the more that feeds into our beliefs, and so we justify the life we live by this phobia.

Hope that makes some sense

Well, I'm not sure I agree with this one! With your last paragraph, Carl. I didn't know I had SA until a few months ago. I'm 46 and have suffered from it for the last 35 years. My behaviours and reclusion have become so second nature that I never thought much about it. Now that I know what it is, I think about it all the time, I'm becoming aware of all the things that I do to avoid anxiety, to avoid contact with people, to make me feel better, a lot of things that I would never have associated with what I now know is SA. It's been a great relief to find out what all this suffering was about, to understand where the years of depression come from.
Later on today I have to go to something which I would not have gone to before at the risk of hurting other people's feelings. I'm going, knowing that I'm going to feel like shit, that there's nothing I can do about it at the moment, but at least I won't be letting these other people down, and that's a comfort. I believe that awareness of what goes on in our minds is the first step, then be with it and accept it, and then it loses its grip and importance with time. I personally don't think that by thinking positive one can achieve anything other than a superficial improvement. It's only gonna catch up with you with a vengeance at a later stage in your life, maybe in a different form (as in another phobia, or depression or whatever). By the way, I think you mention Eckhart Tolle in another post. Well worth reading! And there's a brilliant 10 weeks series available (free) on podcast (and video too I think) between Tolle and Oprah. As far as I can remember they're about an hour each.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/Download-the-A-New-Earth-Web-Classes

Firstly im delighted that you've discovered that about yourself and i really hope its the staring step to your recovery.

I totally agree with you that an awareness of it is vital, however im writing from the point that anybody who is here is already aware of their disorder.

The problem is that when we label ourselves with having a disorder, then we're accepting thats who we are. What im saying is we dont need to do that. There is an obvious comfort in knowing finally what the problem is, but if we just accept thats who we are then there is no chance of coming out of it.

I feel i should also point out that I'm not writing this from a theoretical point of view, im writing this from experience.For years i couldnt interact with people,i couldnt function in the world when it came to work/study, had no friends etc.because of this i spent years feeling suicidal. But thankfully now they are all in the past, im leading a very healthy life now, so please dont dismiss what im saying,anything i write here are things that ive practiced.

Regarding positive thinking, i think you're looking at it as being a denial of how you feel. However our feelings/emotions are always preceded by a thought and not the other way round as people seem to think. Most here (and this is true of how i used to think) justify these bad feelings by saying they are social phobic, as if it is something outside of our control making us feel this way.In a nutshell its our thoughts that lead us to feelings of anxiety etc.Positive thinking is a must,and a simple change in thinking can have a dramatic change in our lives.At first it may have to be forced,but thats part of the process.

We have two layers of thoughts though, conscious and subconscious. Basically our subconscious thoughts are the voice of our beliefs, these can seem automatic and repetitive as eckhart tolle shows us.So when we think of doing something these subconscious thoughts will come through warning us about something that could go wrong. If you're like how i used to be then you listen to these, and start to simulate in your mind all the things that can go wrong. However, our minds cannot distinguish between whats real and 'fiction' so we get a real sense of fear as if this scenario is actually happening, while in reality its just us thinking about it.

So we need to be able to see these subconscious thoughts and dismiss them.this takes some practice but you'd be amazed with the results. Also,we need to change our beliefs. This does take alot of understanding, and a bit of effort. But it is possible,once we really want to get out of it. Affirmations are one way of doing this, noticing all the positive things in our lives, avoiding things/people that depress us if possible. Being grateful for what we have.

Hope this sheds some light on where im coming from.

Oh,and thanks for posting the link, ive watched them and they are really good.

Carl

Hi Carl,

Very interesting stuff here. I will check out the link above that Catherine posted but just wondering if you could reccomend any of the books that you have read on the subject?

Thanks a mill

Hey Jan,

These are the books that helped me out most,

Stop thinking,start living by Richard Carlson - Nice simple book which shows how much thoughts effect our lives, very good one to start with.

The Power of Now & A New Earth - Both by Eckhart Tolle - Find it takes a few reads to really get them, but by watching the link that Catherine gave the books should be alot easier to digest. Gives great insight into how the mind works, a real genuis.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes - Brilliant when it comes to positive thinking, would recommend getting the dvd, will have a really optimistic outlook on life when finished watching

Hope thats of some help

Best of luck

Thanks a mill, ill pop up town for those today. I must admit I have read the secret and i just couldnt handle it, i found it to be very americian and preachy so stopped reading half way through, i might try the dvd and let you know how i get on! Cheers!!

Cool,hope you find them as useful as i did.

I can see how on reading the secret for the first time it can seem like alot of waffle, the idea that we can have whatever in life we want can seem a little bit far fetched. But its so true,we can be or have whatever we want in life, if we believe in it.

With me, the secret showed me the power of positive thinking. So thats basically where my recovery started. By changing my mindset i started to come across people/events etc which lead me to books like those ive mentioned, plus lead me to people who in one way or another helped me out. Id seriously recommend the dvd though, its so powerful, i do think if i had read the book first i would have thought the same as you and possibly have given up on it.

The one thing i'll say though is never underestimate the power of positive thinking, it really is the key to a happy life

CARL!
Welcome.
You're into the LOA eh?
Im dyin' to get into it but have problems believing things will work and staying positive!!
Must see your booknwhen its written!

Hi Carl.
I was wondering if you had read 'the secret'. Someone mentioned that it was quite inspiring. I think positive thinking could really help.

I had a very bad time as a teenager and no one could tell me what it was. Its always put down to hormones or just 'a phase'. I have to say that music was my only escape. My poor parents when I think about it. I wouldnt leave the house and listened to thrash metal all day and night to try and stop myself from thinking. My first year in college was a blur, got in with the wrong crowd and lost the plot! I graduated college in the end, so there is always hope. I have jumped from job to job but thats not a bad thing either because I have had a chance to better myself. I battle with SA every day by controlling it. I just wonder do people actually notice that you have the problem. Do they see an anxious person. I myself cant identify people with SA or is it that we hide it so well.

Hi Shelley

Yes i love the secret. Two books kick started my 'recovery' if one can all it that. The first was 'Stop Thinking, start living' by Richard Carlson which gives you great insight into how powerful our thinking is.After that i was introduced to 'the secret' and my life started to change. Every so often il just throw on the dvd as a pick me up, it really is worth it. Positive thinking is the key, you are so right.

As far as noticing the problem goes i dont think many do, i think we are all probably experts at hiding how we realyl feel and putting on a show when out. I think this just adds to the problem, the energy one needs to put into pretending to be 'happy' can be quite intense, so its alot easier to avoid these situations. Also,after years of pretending then we actually loose who we really are, which is horrible, we become who we think others think we are (well that was my experience,hope it makes sense).However, i think most people are too caught up in their own little things to really notice what is going on it other peoples lives, yet we think that everyone is looking and judging us when out..It simply isnt the case.

Catherine, please try not to look at yourself from the viewpoint of what you believe other people think of you. To get out of this we need to realise that the only thing that matters is how we see ourselves, predicting other peoples thoughts is pointless. Again, thats how i lived for years so im not saying its an easy thing to do.
Another big problem with SA, that we only pick up on little negatives from others. When i was bad, someone could compliment me all day long, and maybe only say one little negative comment, and what would i remember. Id dismiss all the positives, and dwell on the one negative.


Yes, x_No_Oil_Painting_x ,i really believe in the laws of attraction. Like yourself though i found it tough at the start. Id think of something i really wanted but instantly that little voice of doubt would tell me it'll never happen. Think before you can get into it you need to understand what thoughts you have, and where those little negative ones come from. Think most people belief in the LOA, but are scared to dream big. Will be happy to share the book when its done, getting close to finishing it,hoping to have a final draft done by the weekend


Sorry for the length of the post

Carl

Carl,

I am very much for positive thinking, and enjoyed the secret only read it but its bordering on being a little greedy and money based isnt it? It was good but not sure with parts of it. Will check out the other books you recommend.
I definitely believe in positive thinking and visulisation for achieving your goals but when it comes to SA it seems the hardest thing to overcome and to actually visalise myself being relaxed with people is very hard. I think its so heavily stitched in its hard to shake it off. Thats why Im seeing a psychotherpist who is going over my child hood and people who negatively affected me during that time.

This goes against the positive thinking and living in the moment- how do you feel about this? Do you think the past should be left in the past?

Hi Hugo,

The Secret is really about getting the things you've always wanted.For some people its money, and i think for the purpose of a book its easier to explain it through material things. However the principles behind it can be used to get happiness or whatever else you want. As far as it being about greed, i think we all need to learn to dream big, and we should be allowed have whatever we want in life, as long as its not at the expense and pain of others.

Yeah,see what we believe has such strenght, and you obviously believe that being relaxed around others is hard, so when visualising you can only really see it being a struggle. A little trick id recommend is to visualise somebody else being comfortable around others, somebody you admire maybe. Picture how at ease they are in the group etc, then after a minute of this put yourself in their body (still as them though), to see what its like. Its alot easier to believe when its not you in the picture. Visualise yourself walking around as that person, and feel how comfortable it is. Then after another minute, become yourself and visualise yourself in the same situation, it should be alot easier to feel at ease. Hopefully you'll find that useful

As far as the past goes, i dont want to say too much as ive no qualifications and dont want to go against what your psychotherpist is telling you. Personally i wouldnt dwell on the past, although it may be worthwhile in some cases. What i would say is that if you come across something painful, dont dwell on the event, but work out what your thoughts were about it. In most cases its our thinking that is the problem moreso than the events themselves.If you're asked to go into the past, then acknowledge it, study it for clues, but dont relive it, try to see it as an outsider looking in.

If some of that doesnt make sense then please feel free to tell me, or if you have any other questions which i may be able to help with feel free to ask

Best of luck

Carl

Thanks Carl. I'll defo read the secret. I must say you are an inspiration for recovery!